


Not So Professional

by sydendless



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave needs help, Dave needs time off, F/F, Internalscreaming!au, Kanaya is a badass, Karkat Swearing, Karkat gives no shits, Karkat is a good manager, M/M, Rose is smug, Strilondes, like always, rosemary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 21:54:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4803599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sydendless/pseuds/sydendless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Rose I missed three meetings that I had apparently scheduled that I didn't even remember. I have passed out on random furniture no less than three times this week and one of those may or may not have been the toilette. I have no time to rap anymore and I'm too much of a good guy to say no. Although it pains me to admit it, I need help."</p><p>Dave doesn't know what he's signing up for when he says he needs a manager but, he's about to find out when he interviews one shouty troll.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!!! Ok so this is based off the [ daveactualstriders's ](http://daveactualstrider.tumblr.com) Inturnalscreaming! Au on tumblr! Hope you like it!

Rose needs to put that eyebrow the fuck down. She heard what I said. I need a manager. "This after the innumerable amount of times you told me that you don't need a quote "babysitter" unquote seems highly suspicious. Why now of all times?" Did the almost passing out on her couch as soon as I walked into her entrance hall not tell her enough? "Rose I missed three meetings that I had apparently scheduled that I didn't even remember. I have passed out on random furniture no less than three times this week and one of those may or may not have been the toilette. I have no time to rap anymore and I'm too much of a good guy to say no. Although it pains me to admit it, I need help."

 

Rose gives of this smug ass smile and finally puts her eyebrow down. "I'll ask Kanaya if she knows of someone who would fit the position. Possibly someone with a knack for micromanaging." Oh god the smugness is intense. She’d been telling me to ask Kanaya if she can find me someone in her business that could work for me for almost a year. Kanaya works as a fashion designer but she has ridiculous connections in almost every industry. I honestly just wanted to wait and see if it evens out, I don't want to bother her if I don't need to. "No I'll find someone myself." she sighs, "Dave I only suggest that you should ask her because I don't think you would be comfortable relying on a complete stranger. At least this way you would be able to get knowledge on the person beforehand that is not on a resume. We are both aware of your reluctance to ask for help but it's OK.".

 

"Fine I'll accept your help but, just know it's not my idea. Like if the weird ass river under your house is the idea then I'm Pluto that's how far away I am from that being my idea." She sits down near my head on the couch. "You're not even making sense anymore Dave. You should really move to one of the beds and get some sleep.", Joke's on her and her prim face because there's no way I'm going to make it to the bed. I just fall asleep.

 

When I wake up I'm in bed. Not my own bed but a bed witch if I'm being honest is a hell of a lot better than my normal mornings nowadays. It takes me a few seconds to figure out where I am and longer to think of how the hell I got there from the couch. It's embarrassing as fuck but Kanaya probably carried me up. Don't get me wrong Kan is thin and beautiful but, when you see someone go from walking almost daintily to Rose, directly to picking up a huge dude and throwing him bodily out of the way, all with the grace of a dancer, you have every right to show caution and respect. On a side note I am fully content to say as a brother I'm completely willing to let Kan handle it if a guy starts getting grabby at any social event. Not that Rose wouldn't have stabed him if Kanaya was there even a moment latter but still.

 

I walk out, down the hall and out to the kitchen in search of food. When I finish clawing through the fridge for food like an animal I hear someone behind me clear their throat. I'll admit that I jumped. I spun around to see both Rose and Kan sitting at the counter. I feel like I'm the bad kid who sneaks a midnight snack and then gets chastised by his parents. I very slowly put the bologna down just in case. I do however eat the slice of cheese hanging from my mouth. "Dave I have some good news." Kanaya speaks with a slight accent and a small smile tugging at her lips. "Lay it on me." she leans lightly into Rose's shoulder. I honestly hope that someday I find someone who fits me as well as these two fit each other.

 

"I've heard back from several of my acquaintances who are currently searching for a job and have showed interest in the position." I shake my head "I don't have time to do interviews Kan I was honestly hopping for only like one person to take the bait." Rose's smirk switches to straight up evil "You have time now." Oh god "What did you do Rose?", "I made a few calls. Your schedule is now clear for the week." ... I ... "How the fuck did you...". Kanaya takes a cautious sip of her tea as Rose smiles "Would you mess with us?". Rose being a internationally acclaimed award winning author with several degrees and working on a PHD. in physiology that comes with the included warning of "vindictive and sharp", she also has the added influence of having Kanaya as a girlfriend. Kanaya is one of the most famous and highly regarded fashion designers in this hemisphere she has her own book series out and is one of the most well connected people in the world. Together they are scary powerful. You want something they can get it. That being said if you mess with either of them also get the full force of the Stri-londe and Maryam families power coming down on you. So the be honest with the question "No." I wouldn't mess with them.

 

Roses eyes seem to shine "Neither would they" well I guess that would explain it. "You will have the first round of interviews over the phone tomorrow at three. And in person this Wednesday."

 

I would question it but to be honest their freaking me out a little so I leave as soon as they stop talking. I spend the rest of the day sleeping and working on my raps.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

When I wake up and leave the room again Rose hands me a list of people to call with their numbers. "Ok I'll do it later." Her eyes turn sharp "You'll do it now." Well ok then. I'd normally rant and rave about this for an hour but they are helping me a lot. I dig my phone from my pocket and start up the interviews. Now I'm not going to bore you with the details but I will tell you about the best interview. He was about in the middle of the pack. I picked up the phone, bored already but it needed to get done.

 

"Hello is this Karkat Vantas?" There's a grumble on the other end of the line. "Yes this is me.", "Hello I'm Dave Strider do you have time for a phone interview?", "Your late." What? I'm pretty sure this was on my time. "What do you mean by that?" His answer is fast and to the point. "Mr. Strider Miss Maryam had informed me that you would be calling anywhere from three PM. to five PM. In case you haven't noticed it's six." holly shit I slept that late! Holly shit I started the interviews late! Holly shit none of the others corrected me. "One moment please." I hear him curse lightly in the background as I put the call on mute so I can yell "Rose!". It takes her a moment to get to me but she dose not look pleased. "Why didn't you tell me I was late to call them? I could have apologized or something.", Rose makes a disgusted noise. "I am not your manager Dave It's not my job." And she walks off heals clicking behind her. I look back down at the phone.

 

Well then. I un-mute it. "I'm sorry for calling you late. Do you still have time to conduct the interview?", "Sure why not?". Ok then let’s get this done. "Do you have any prior experience?", "I sent in my résumé last night but ok." Really this guy is blunt as fuck. Not going to lie I kinda need that. "Right one moment..." I mute the call. "Rose! This guy says they sent in résumés?", "Second page onwards.", I flip the page and there they are... right. Ok. I put the phone to my ear and spend a few seconds looking at Karkat’s papers. He has some serious credentials. He has some big names on this and has them all as references. I would think he was lying if Roses handwriting in her favorite lavender pen didn't say they all checked out and gave glowing recommendations. It takes me a while to get over the shock when I see Gamzee Makara, Kanaya and Feferi Peixes names on the list.

 

"Is that Fuckass trying to find someone to read it for him? Who the fuck is this disorganized when giving an interview? He needs to pull his head out of his ass before he chokes on his own shit. I swear If he doesn't pick the phone back up before my phone dies I’m going to find him and strangle him with my charger. It's what the world needs. They will sing songs of my praise for generations." I'm so glad I kept the phone next to my ear. This guy is awesome. He just keeps going too, getting angrier and angrier. By the end of another minute I'm snickering.

 

When I get myself back under control I un-mute the call "I’m back, sorry for the wait." My voice is as apologetic as I can make it. "Fucking finally." Wow he's really genuine about the way he acts. Most would pretend that never happened and put on a professional voice. He just keeps on like he has no opinion to hide. It's pretty refreshing. "Ok so why do you want the position?", there's a silence that I'm pretty sure was him being taken aback by the fact I didn't snap at him before he replied "My old employers decided to either manage themselves or fell for someone and decided they had enough help to manage them. Other then that I want to get up some money to get a degree in film so I figured why not."

 

Alright he seems like an ok guy and unlike the first twelve people I interviewed he seems blunt and honest. I make a note next to his name about it. "Ok so will you be at the live interviews?", "Yes I'll be there ON TIME. You know at THREE PM." Right. I set a few alarms on my phone. He's an ass hole but that's ok. "Alright I'll see you there." We both say a quick goodbye and hang up. No one else corrected me on the time. Everyone just let me slide through the interview.

 

After the rest of the interviews I set out in search of my sister and her girlfriend. When I find them they're in the top part of the house stargazing. "So where are the interviews tomorrow?", Rose barely looks over, "The open office building downtown." Ok. I set another reminder on my phone. "There was this one who really stood out. He was an ass but super entertaining. His resume said he was your manager once Kan?" Kanaya nods "Karkat has been a friend of mine for a long time. He was the one who helped me start making things professionally. He introduced me to Sollux so he could help me make my website and introduced both of us to Feferi, that’s where most of my connections started.... I came to him In a similar situation as you not long after. He took over as my manager until I was able to get everything back in control. He made friends with Gamzee in college and helped him get over his drug issues and start his career. He normally just kinda falls into place and fixes everything until he's not needed anymore. He does whatever he needs to make things work.". That sounds like some weird-ass Marry Popins bullshit. Cool.

 

The rest of the night is pretty boring so I'll skip to the interview.

\---------------------------------------------------------

 

I'm interviewing people in the same order I called them. If their late they're disqualified. Can't have the one that's supposed to keep me on time being late. I'm going to skip most of this too so you know what? Let's just skip to Karkat.

 

Karkat was in fact on time. He, like before, was in the center of my pack of interviews. I just sent the interview before him off, He was an cheery old man with a horrible disposition when it came to schedules. So far in the interviews I've collectively been hit on twice, smacked once for telling someone they would not be called back because of a racist comment, and someone came in wearing what I assume they think was high fashion but really, why a fishbowl on your head? Don't get me wrong there has been some good potential here but nothing stands out. I am also so fucking hungry I could eat the entire sushi place next-door plates an all, all you'll hear is the screaming and crying of the nice Chinese family that owns the place as I inflate to the size of a blimp.

 

I hear a knock at the door. "Come in!" When the door opens the first thing that happens is I hear "FUNKING ASSHOLE-" Followed by the door shutting and muffled yells on the other side... ok that should be Karkat then. He finally comes in a minute latter looking more pissed then a cat in attack mode. He flops down in his chair. After a second he finally looks at me "Sorry. Some assmunch decided to grab my ass.", What? "Rude as fuck are you ok?", " Yeah but that fucker is going to have a hand print on his face for a while." I nod and smile before I can help myself. Then I actually look at him and I have to hold myself from reacting because the Tumblr side of my brain decided it was a great time to freak the fuck out.

 

I'm so glad for my poker face because my brain is kinda chanting something along the lines of 'He's adorable, and cute, and smol, and sexy, and he looks like a total cinnamon roll but, talks like a sinnamon roll and so kawai it's fucking disgusting, omg, be my waifu.' What the fuck brain no. Stooooooop. But he is adorable and like a foot shorter than me and he is so fucking hot and he has red eyes and these nubby little horns and .... Wait. Wait. Wait. I'm not going to go after someone I might be hiring. It's fucked up but he has the most and best experience and comes recommended, and on top of all of that he has enough attitude to combat mine so he'd be perfect for the job and it doesn't matter if I have the urge to say 'oh no he's hot' right now. Not to mention he just got felt up by some jerk so even if the interview sucks now is not a good time to say anything.

 

I have an interview to conduct. And my stomach growls. Yes perfect timing. Fuck you too body. I don't have to eat breakfast if i didn't want to. I was to nervous too. I hate meeting new people, It always makes me feel trapped. So I skipped breakfast because I was going to be running late and am currently skipping lunch so I can get this over with as soon as possible with as little stress as possible. Karkat snorts "Let me guess. you forgot to eat or some shit?", "uhh maybe?", He puts his head down on the table. "Go get something to eat before you starve yourself out.", No that's not ok I'm in the middle of an interview.... Ok beginning of an interview. "Nah it can wait until we're done here.", his eyes go sharp "Mr. Strider go get some food. You can eat while you interview. If they get hired their going to see you in less professional ways anyway. Eat before your stomach starts to drown out your voice.", No it's really fucking rude to eat in front of people when you’re trying to be professional. "Nah it'd be rude I'm good I'll eat when I'm done here.", he squints at me and puts his hand up to his ear, "I'm sorry Mr. Strider I can’t hear you over that earthquake you call a stomach. Are you trying to say that you're a stubborn asshole who needs food. Well I'm not one to disagree. Go. Get. Food." He looks like he's going to keep arguing if I say something so I get up "Ok fine! God mom.", I say in my snootiest voice. He laughs a little and its awesome. I leave, go get sushi and come back. When I do he's still waiting patiently. It's kinda weird how normal the conversations are but, I'm glad we can talk like this. It's like we've known each other for years. After I finish shoving some sushi down my throat I decide that it's time to get down to business.

 

"Ok. So your references look awesome but you have some big time names here who all give glowing reviews. Why didn't you stick with one of them?", He shrugs, "Most of them were friends already and I had just offered to help out when they seemed stressed or I helped them get started. I never really thought it was turning into a job until Kanaya and Gamzee refused to keep letting me help them without paying me. Apparently it's 'ridiculous' to be a full time manager for free and still have a part time job or two to pay bills." he scoffs.

 

That must have been hell on his health. No wonder they insisted on paying if they were his friends I mean it’s not like they were strapped for cash and he must have been running himself into the ground. "How can you even do that? That's a shit ton of work.", Karkat just rolls his eyes, "It wasn't a big deal and still isn't. Anyway they got a handle on things and I always felt bad for taking their money so I quit and found another job in management because I didn't want to go back to a sales job. If people didn't need my services anymore I left." He talks about it like it's no big deal. "Ok so next question what did you do in your other jobs?" As I ask more questions he just keeps looking more and more perfect for the job. He's funny and smart and I really wish he wasn't so perfect because wow he's awesome. When the interview ends we shake hands and he's warm and he smiles in a way that makes me make really messed up noises in my mind as he leaves.

 

When the next guy comes in he looks like a sleaze ball and is hunching slightly like his groin hurts. He has a hand mark across his face. I send him home after a few choice words and telling him off about his conduct. Karkat was right that hand print looks like it's sticking around. The rest of the interviews are pretty unremarkable.

 

After all the interviews are over I go back to Rose's house. I grown and flop down on her couch next to her, sprawled out across it like before as soon as I get in the door. I immediately scream into one of the pillows. "I take it the interviews didn't go well Dave?" Rose asks from beside my head. "No they went well. Too well." I feel her leaning towards me but don’t look up. "What do you mean?" I groan into the pillow again, "Why didn't you tell me Karkat was hot?" she leans away a little "I still fail to see the problem." I am so done. "He's the best one for the job Rose." she nods when I look up. "And that's a problem because???", "I'm going to hire him and he's going to work for me.", she nods. "Yes, and?...", "Rose I can’t hit on an employee that's sexual harassment. And he's adorable and hot and small. I'm going to be pining over him forever." She smiles wickedly, "Well dear brother... you're fucked." God dammit Rose


	2. Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to tell Karkat he has the job.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Sorry not currently bataed but I wanted to put it out there.)

It's been a day and Rose keeps telling me that I have to call Karkat and tell him he got the job. I know I have to. I know I want to, but this is going to suck for me. This is one of the situations where you have no choice but to fall into a deadly trap. Except Karkat's the trap and I.... don't think he's deadly? I mean fuuuuuuuuuu I can already tell this isn't going to be good. No you know what I just met the guy. No one is perfect it's ridiculous to get so hung up on something like this. I mean I barely know the guy. I know he's what I'm looking for in a manager though.

With the sudden burst of determination the thought gives me I bring out my phone and start to call him. What if this doesn't work out tough? what if I end up liking him even more then before? There's no way out of this after I start without looking like a total tool. He picks up and I start to fidget. "Hello?", Nope fuck it if it's a trap at least it's a hot trap. "Hello Karkat this is Dave Strider I just wanted to call and ask you if you're still up for being my personal manger?", a kinda revealed kinda annoyed noise comes through the speaker before Karkat says anything. "Before I reply do you know what time it is?" oh shit what did I do? I look over at the clock... 2AM? Holly fuck... what? How did I lose track of time that badly? I mean I was just working on my blogs and giving the assholes online something to talk about. How the fuck did I lose track of like 12 hours?

"What the hell do you mean? Did you honestly fucking think it was two?", oh shit and I'm thinking out loud again. "Sorry I really should have looked at the time I didn't mean to wake you." Karkat huffs "I wasn't asleep but yes you really need to look at the time before you call people." I nod before I remember he can't see me "Sorry." and I mean it. I hate when people call me when I'm supposed to be asleep. There's a long pause and it's awkward. "Would you still be willing to take the job?" Fuck I'm so bad at this. "Alright yes I'll take the job." We agree that we'll meet the next day to hammer out the details at a little coffee shop down town. I don't drink much coffee but they have apple flavored everything and it's awesome. I try not to think about it for the rest of the night like some lovesick loser but I fail miserably. It is me. I am the lovesick loser.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I get up early and start to stress about what I'm going to wear. I end up throwing my cloths everywhere and trying like five outfits before I get distracted by my bed head. I fix that shit as fast as I can which ends up being like a half an hour. I glance over at my close pile and groan. Wait what am I doing? I'm being stupid. I do what I've done for the past few years as soon as the option was available ... "Kanaya help me I need to help thinking of what to wear to see Karkat today.", she sounds exasperated but reply's "Dave just wear your white and red street outfit." I thank her and hang up the phone after a quick goodbye. My sister dates a fashion designer and you think I'm not going to take advantage of it? Ha. Now where did my record shirt go? It has to be somewhere in this mess. Alright I'm going in. I emerge about an hour later with all of the pieces of my outfit on and a lot of pride in myself that I managed to find it. I look at the clock and squeak I have to like leave right now or I'll be late.

when I get there I'm on time but Karkat's already there. "Mr. Strider you’re on time for once. Is it the apocalypse? Are you going to tell me the world is going to explode if y-", my mind has been stuck on how cute he is since I saw him and at this point I don't know what he's saying let alone how to answer. He's in casual wear today. He has this baggy ass black turtle neck on and the arms of come down to the tips of his claws. It looks like it would fit me. His hair is a mess and he's got jeans on that (from what I see) hug his legs. He looks comfy and holly shit I just wanna cuddle him.

I only catch the end of his rant "- and then were going to have to live on coffee and weird apple flavored brownies.", I snicker and try to pretend I wasn't just checking him out so hard that library's for miles are gunna be calling for late fees. "Hay coffee's not so bad and even though I'd rather have a real apple I'll settle for the slightly worse option. This place is actually good with the flavored stuff." He opens his mouth and I feel a rant coming on. I am a master of rant so it's easy to recognize. "Don't even try it man, apples are the best thing to ever happen to mankind, unless were talking some Adam and Eve shit. But that shit was fucked up in the beginning like who could resist an apple. Not me man. Not me."

His eyes roll "Oh yes because it totally wasn't the snake that tempted them it was the apple right? Forbidden fruit is really soooooo tempting." Ohhhh he has no fucking clue. I have like 874,839,076,738,289 ideas of things I want to say but it all ends up in just one long ass mental scream. God this cute fucks gonna be the death of me. We walk over and order our drinks. Karkat gets black coffee witch how the fuck anyone drinks that shit I have no idea and I drink apple cinnamon coffee. Karkat eyes my coffee like its poison. Rude and unnecessary. I hold my coffee protectively "Shut up I can have apple everything if I wanna have apple everything." He shakes his head and sighs "Please tell me that's not all you ingest." Innuendo??? Nope. Do I wish it was?? Yep. I'm trash. "No."

He nods as if it’s good news. Wait. Was he really concerned that that was all I ate? I'll admit apples do make up a huge percent of what I eat but not all of it. I resolve to take down the apple orchard picture I have hanging in my living room before he ever comes over. We sit down at one of the tables and Karkat states trying to get to the actual purpose of the meeting like a professional. I take that as my signal to move on and we work out the details. As my manager I have permission to call 24/7 with any info or question I have or need. In return it is Karkat’s job to make sure I am at all meetings or appointments on time and well prepared. Karkat has my permission to do almost anything it takes to make that happen. He's going to manage my public appearance and my job times. He makes and decides on my appointments but will run everything by me. I have the power of veto on my stuff though.

He gets really annoyed when he asks about my schedule for next week and I admit I have no idea. He asks me if I can remember anything and I tell him Rose would have a better Idea of it. He face-palms and immediately takes out a laptop and his phone. "What are you doing?" He sighs and holds up a finger in a one second gesture. I almost laugh as all that I can see of it is the vary tip of the claw on the finger he's holding up over his sleeve. He gets a text and then calls someone, "Hello? Okay so he has no idea what his schedule for next week is I was hoping I could do this the easy way and ask Rose? ... Alright. Thank you for asking for me." he hangs up and hisses lightly. Adorable he reminds me of a kitten. "looks like I'm going to have to do this the hard way." his hands move rapidly over the screen and before I know it he's on the phone again typing on a laptop he pulled from a backpack I hadn't seen before and started writing in a notebook.

I have no fucking clue how but after thirty minutes He has a thoroughly planed out schedule in front of him for the next two months. I gasp at him before he starts to go over it like it wasn't a problem at all. "You're horrible at this. You had yourself double booked for seven different things in four days, you didn't give yourself time to eat and you booked two appearances on the exact opposite ends of the country for an hour apart. I've rescheduled you and put more time between things. You should have time to at least breathe and you now have no use for your perceived teleportation ability." Wow I really am a mess. He starts going over the schedule for the next two weeks and he tells me about each one and what they entail.

I just kinda nod dumbly and watch just how ... in control he looks. It's obvious that he's in his element. That's not something I think I could ever do. "I'd like to meet at least once a day in person to go over what your schedule is like for that day and the next. I'll try to be on hand for most of your day. Oh and here..." he hands me a stack of business cards "Just in case you're the type of asshole who likes doing the whole 'have your people call my people' thing." FUCK YES!!!! I am now!!!! I've always wanted to do that and now I can!!! I take the cards and look them over. His cards look so cool. This is going to be awesome!!! "I totally will." He nods "They're also a reminder. Don't try to schedule shit before you know if you can make it there or not Mr. Strider."

The rest of the night was awesome but short. We finished our business and parted ways in the way good coworkers should. I went home and took down my nice apple picture, went and laid down and then... promptly screamed into my pillow for an hour. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I thought this would go away. I'm stuck between notice me Senpai and please don't notice me because it would be horrible. Sexual harassment, I'm not gunna do it. Wait-wait-wait he said he wanted to get a degree in film right? I'm in the industry. I'm technically a big name in the industry... he's my kohai. If i'm gunna do shit I'm gunna do it right. Notice me Kohai.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok soooo I think this is just going to be a ramble fic. Ill update every now and again but in no real time frame. Thanks for reading!


	3. First day on the job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Karkat's first day on the job but Dave's to one who has it worse (or better?) !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so sadly this chapter is not yet bata'ed and probably has mistakes so sorry about that.

Shit it's too early for this shit. I flip over and try to shut my alarm down and then notice it's my phone going off. I pick it up and consider tossing it before I decide it's not worth the money to replace and answer, "Hello?", "Mr. Strider I wanted to call and make sure you were up. It's my first day on the job I'm not going to let you be late.” I sit up a little straighter at the sound of Karkat's voice. Late though? I mean my alarm hasn't gone off. I look at the Time on my phone. I still have four hours until I have to be anywhere. I get up and go into the living room.

I tell him that and he grumbles before saying, "We agreed to meet at least once a day to talk about the things you're scheduled for. It would be kind of useless to give you the information about it after you go there." Oh... That.... Right... "Ok where do you want to meet up?” Karkat seems to think about it before responding, "If I'm right I woke you up so it would be easier for you to get ready at your place. It'd also probably be less noisy and distracting." Shit. I don't normally have visitors. Like ever. If I meet someone it's normally out in public or at their house. I honestly don't think anyone outside of my family other than John and Jade have been here and well, they're close enough to family that it counts. I know it sounds lame but I mean I Wasn't really in a situation when I was younger to have people over because of well... Bro. I've just kind of not needed to have people over. OK I can handle this. It's not a big deal.

"Alright.", I give him my address and we say our goodbyes. That's when I start to freak out. I feel like a girl on one of the drama shows Kanaya watches. There's a hot guy coming to my place. What do I do what do I do what do I d- something fell off the entertainment stand. I look over and oh it was just an empty apple juice container... Nope it was five of them. ... Cleaning it is.

The moment I get the last Pizza box in the trash there's a knock on my door. Ok must be him. I rush to answer glad that I got everything done. I open the door and Karkat just blinks at me for a minute "You forgot your shirt..."I look down and ... FUUUUUUUUUUUCK ok play it cool play it cool. Excuse. I need an excuse. "I sleep with a shirt off. I didn't remember where I was going today so I decided to just wait so I could pick an outfit that worked." Nice save. Yesssssss. I walk over to the couch as calmly as I can. Better to look like an asshole then a dumb-ass. A few seconds later I feel Karkat sit down next to me... Ok so maybe it was a polite distance away but it still felt like he was like right there, it doesn't help when he sits all the way back on the couch and his feat aren't really touching the ground so he sits cross legged and his knee almost touches mine. "Ok ready to start?" I nod jerkily hoping my blush isn't visible. "Ready as I'll ever be." He seems to take this answer as acceptable and reaches into his laptop case pulling out a notebook and a pencil. Before bending down to put the case on the floor. 

The thing is though that he's kinda tiny. Kinda tiny and either stubborn or lazy and that contamination means that instead of him scooting foreword on the couch cushion, unbending his legs and placing his things down he bends foreword... Really far forward. I get distracted by the curve of his back and just how fucking flexible he is… I mean he's in another oversized turtleneck and jeans and he's fucking adorable and tiny and Holly fuck my mouth is suddenly really dry because shit is he hot. This adorable little asshole is going to brake me. Now I know he's gunna catch me blushing like a virgin schoolgirl. I'm about to turn away and hide but...

That's when I noticed he's not really reaching the floor to with his bag enough to be comfortable with dropping it so he keeps leaning. He leans Just far enough that his ass (beautifully contoured by those tight jeans) to lift up just enough. J U S T E N O U G H for me to see he's got the kind of ass that people wright symphonies for. Clouds could part and angles could sing and it wouldn't be as beautiful as the plush rump of the glorious being in front of me. To hell not letting him see me blush I'm praying to every fucking deity I know and used to doubts existence that he didn't hear the noise I just made. HOLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYY FUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK it's nothing like what's going on in my brain. My brain is blue screening so hard Right now that I’d give a computer one of Sollux's viruses got a hold of a run for its virtual money.

Call back later Dave is dead.

Excuse before he looks over. Excuse before he looks over. Excuse for the noise you just made. Excuse for being a thirsty bitch....... THIRSTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! I manage some really fucking convincing fake coughs And spit out the word water between like half of them and race off hoping to get rid of my poorly timed boner tm and possibly drown myself in water. I put my hands over my face that I'm well aware is Really Fucking Red tm and just end up standing in the middle of my kitchen with my hands over my eyes waiting for my internal monologue to stop being mostly just "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu-" When I think I'm calm enough I fill two glasses with water and make my way back out.

"Took you long enough. You get lost?" It takes every bit of apparently barely existent self-restraint not to use arguably the worst pick up line I could think of right now "No but I'd love to get lost between your thighs" I am the worst. It is me. I just choke out a "Yes" Oh wow so smooth. How am I not sliding across the floor right now? If someone would test me vs. marble they'd be like "fuck Dave you smooth" and I'd be all "I had practice poorly wooing the almighty owner of the glorious ass that inspired the statue next to you." and me and the dude would spend the next few hours admiring the booty in silent companionship brought together by dat ass.

OK nope brain stop it right there just nope. Anyway I hand him his drink really fucking thankful that our fingers don't touch or some shit because I am man enough to say my girly ass would have fainted. I take a seat and just now remember I'm still not wearing a shirt. It's only been like ten minutes into his first day and I'm already tripping up this bad. Fuck my life. He starts going over my schedule for the week and pointing out different things and going over appropriate topics and other things I should know. It was honestly informative and helpful when I wasn't spaced out staring at the tips of his fingers peeking out of his selves or the way his lips move when he talks.

His Tips and info are laced with rants that I can’t help but laugh at and egg on. When He's done with every point he's written down he says "OK that's it. You should start getting ready for your interview in an hour and a half. Do you want me to come with you-" You can cum with me any time-Is the thought my brain helpfully interrupts with. God I'm glad I have a good filter "-and like quiz you or something before you go on?" oh right, right. "That'd probably be for the best." He nods "alright can I ride with you then" Brain tries to forcefully cut out the word ‘with’. "Yes.... I'm going to go get ready", I get up and start to march of in the direction of my room when I realize he's probably going to be bored out of his mind and I yell that he can watch T.V. while he's waiting. He sends a thanks and I continue on my way.

When I get done I walk out to him watching some movie with Will Smith in it and quoting along. Shit he's cute. The rest of the day was appointments, interviews and working on my movie It was pretty cool knowing what I was in for, for once and the day went smoothly other than the fact Kar was just as much of a (sexy) distraction as he was earlier. My Brain had been a consent flow of things that I really shouldn't be thinking considering he works for me. Once we had parted ways and I was safe alone in my bed let's just say that definitely didn't stop it and I ended up with my hand on my junk for most of the night. I kept blushing the next day when He kept saying I looked tired and asking if I was OK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright the next few chapters are going to have rather large time skips between them so be aware. For anyone still following this story or any of my others (cough "Possibly waiting for the sequel of Escaping Myself" Cough) It's not much of a excuse but I let some things get the best of me but i'm back for now and I'm going to try and get back to my old pattern of updating. Also sorry that this is rather short for the long wait.


	4. Sick

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about tge wait. Ive got excuses but im just going to leave it as "life" and all. Not quite as cute as the chapers before but it had to be done.

Oh god. I hate being sick. Everything sucks. My day off was yesterday and I was hoping I'd be over it by today. Urggg it's so bad I can barely move. Im stuffy and uncomfortable and I'm dyeing. You know how people say that someone sick is as weak as a newborn? Im totally like fetus status Right now. So weak. I tried to get up like fifteen times. I'm done. I just want to die in peace. Im hot. And I mean like desert hot. Like i used to live in Texas but this is like heatwave on the devil’s ass hot. I don't sleep in a shirt and now I have no blankets. I feel like I need to peel off skin to get cooler.

I let out a miserable noise and just give up. “Hay fuckass it woulda been nice if you told me you were sick.” holly fuck Karkats here. Noooooooo I probably look like shit. At this point i don't even care. I can't even pretend to have the energy to acknowledge him. Shit this is bad. Kar makes a soft sound. “Alright I'll make arrangements for the next few days. Be glad that there's not much planned for a while. I'll be back ok?” I end up kinda nodding.

I don't know how long it's been. I think I fell asleep. Next thing I know someone's shaking my shoulder. “Dave wake up. I cleared up your schedule your free for a few days. Also I made you some soup.” holly fuck he's awesome. Thats it im going to marry this shouty little shit if it's the last thing I do. I'll kidnap him if I have two and tie him to a Goddamn stand. I'm sure there are people willing to marry us. Oh wow I'm out of it. 

Karkat seems to take it in stride though and sits me up. “After I get this soup and enough fluid that you don't keel over do you want me to call anyone to come take care of you? Preferably a troll like Kanaya so they don't get sick two?” god no. I don't wanna drag anyone else into this. I shake my head and almost fall over with how dizzy it makes me. Kar puts a hand on my shoulder to steady me.

It’s been four months. Four whole months since I hired Karkat. His work is flawless. His grumpiness is a standard all people strive for. His rants are on all of their two hundred and twenty-seven points. He hasn't gotten any less hot. I hadn't gotten any less thirsty for him. It's just not fair really. Also I'm relatively sure he has no fucking clue I am smitten as fuck for him and he thinks I am just hot for everyone. Now don't get me wrong, I crave the booty, but currently there is only one glorious plush gluteus maximus I have continuously wished to get my hands all over. That butt, incase there is anyone wondering, belongs to one crabby crab raised troll named karkat.

Karkat just sighs and steadies me. “Alright well since I don't trust you enough to not choke on your own spit, let alone the soup, by the time I leave the room at the moment I guess you're stuck with me.” fuck. This is not really what I had in mind the one time I had a fantasy of him being a nurse. I try to take the soup from him but my arms are so shaky I end up having to just put them down.

He ends up spoon feeding me like I'm a fucking toddler. God I hate this. As soon as he's done I manage a “I'm sorry" in my pathetic excuse for a voice right now. Karkat rolls his eyes. “You think it's the first time I’ve taken care of a sick person? I'm just glad you haven't thrown up on me yet. Speaking of that…” I watch as he gets up and leaves the room. I’d die of shame if i ever threw up on him. That would be horrible. 

It only takes a few seconds but Karkat is back with a trashcan and says very seriously “Need to spew spew here.” and points into the trashcan. What else can I do but nod. I sigh “You said its not the first time you've taken care of sick people?” that's a little odd for trolls. He nods “I took care of Gamzee whenever he was sick for years. He had an absentee lussis and he's too much of a pan dead idiot to take care of himself normally.” it's hard to imagine the huge film star that is Gamzee Makara as sick as I am.

He must see my disbelief because he says “Gamzee is way fucking gross when he's sick two. And the fact he's huge did nothing to help him. You have no idea how many showers I had to take because I got fluids on me. I'm pretty sure we caused a drought in our aria. I had to help Sollux every now and then two. He always alternates between like super fucking greatfull and "I hate you leve me to die" all while covered in snot and vomit. Its disgusting. This one time...” I fall asleep listening to the random sick stories about his friends.

I end up drifting in and out of consciousness the whole time. Karkats always there when I wake up ready to continue whatever part he noticed I fell asleep on. He brings me food and water and doesn't seem to care after I use the now deemed ‘puke bucket’ for what seems like the fifty-third time. He even pets my hair every now and then. I'm going to marry this Angel. 

I wake up three days later feeling significantly less like i'm already rotting in the ground. When i look around for Karkat because he hasn't said anything from his normal spot by the bed. I guess he must have left. I shouldn't feel as hurt by that as I do. I turn around in bed not wanting to look at the spot he was in in the chair by the bed. When I turn the first thing I’m met with is red eyes and I proceed to flail my way off the bed and knock over the puck bucket on myself. Karkat snickers as I run straight for the shower in my bathroom. 

A few minutes latter Karkat starts talking through the door “Sorry. I was tired and the couch was to far away to hear you if you needed me.” arggg this is not how I wanted it to go the first time he slept in my bed. I hit my head against the wall “It's fine. Thanks for taking care of me.” I don't know if he heard it but it's ok if he didn't. Ill have to say it again later anyway. I've resigned myself to the fact that he's my soulmate and I have trapped myself in the eternal hell of the “boss zone” as Rose called it. 

When I come out of the shower an hour later and smelling like apples Karkat is laying on his side on my now fresh bed and the floor is clean. He's so hot I just want to... no bad brain stop it before-no no no bad dick go back down. Dadbert in a swimsuit. Ok no more boner works every time. I go and lay stiffly on the bed. Karkat gets up and comes back with more food and water. Before asking if i'm ok. I admit I feel better and nod absent-mindedly as he says he'll go home then. I want to stop him but… it's better to just let him be for now. Fuck this is unfair.

I'm better soon and we managed to get back on track. After it's all settled and Karkat leaves I miss the fuck out of him. I spend the next few days from when I get home for the day until long after i should be sleeping doing unmentionable things imagining much different situations that would have had Karkat in my bed for so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its short.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!!!! I might make this a multi chap if you guys like it!!!


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